[ Matt goes still for the moment it takes to process that. Those were words he had never heard before, never expected, never wished for. His breath hitches on an inhale and he hugs Foggy back tighter. ]
If it was anyone else saying that I don't know if I'd believe them. Don't think I could bear to put that on another person.
[ A soft huff like a laugh, followed by a small sniffle and warm tears on Foggy's shoulder. ]
I felt like a burden, even on the backs of people who were supposed to take care of me. The only right thing to do, the brave thing to do was to learn to take care of myself, right? Of all people I should know there are others in pain who need someone even more than I do, I could hear them every day.
[ The nights after his father died, the nightmares he would have, when the nuns no longer came to his room when he cried at night he learned quickly and stopped crying for help. There were other children, it was fine, he would do the noble thing and find another way on his own, Murdocks always get back up, he was stronger than that.
Matt laughs because it's the only thing he can do instead of losing his breath and bursting into tears. ]
...Haven't let myself think about it enough to admit what I wanted. Maybe this is what Stick really meant when he said I was looking for a father. It's always felt more than just weak to want, it's felt selfish.
[ He could be bleeding, Claire Temple, bless her soul, stitching up his side and checking to make sure his bones were in place, and he smiled and insisted he was fine. Not just because he was about to get back up and go back out into the night to fight another battle, not just because he wanted to prove he could do it like he said against whatever odds and warnings she gave him. He had grown fond of her, been able to share a piece of himself he hadn't shown anyone since Elektra, but God forbid he let her see too much. God forbid he think of asking her to take care of him, even as she bandaged his wounds. Sometimes even that made him feel guilty.
Foggy Nelson, how dare you. This was exactly the kind of reason why he had told himself he could never have him. Foggy had always given so much, lifted him up without even being asked to, without asking for anything in return. Matt forces his heavy head up and pulls back, letting Foggy see his face finally, wiping the tears from his eyes. His voice is rough and cracks when he talks. ]
...I've never loved anyone else the way that I love you, Foggy.
[ The words Foggy had said the morning they woke up together had touched something deep down in his core, and for a while now he'd known he was ready to say them back. He nods at him, alright, realizing how he's trembling, heart pounding. ]
Only because it's you Foggy. You're my home, you're it for me.
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If it was anyone else saying that I don't know if I'd believe them. Don't think I could bear to put that on another person.
[ A soft huff like a laugh, followed by a small sniffle and warm tears on Foggy's shoulder. ]
I felt like a burden, even on the backs of people who were supposed to take care of me. The only right thing to do, the brave thing to do was to learn to take care of myself, right? Of all people I should know there are others in pain who need someone even more than I do, I could hear them every day.
[ The nights after his father died, the nightmares he would have, when the nuns no longer came to his room when he cried at night he learned quickly and stopped crying for help. There were other children, it was fine, he would do the noble thing and find another way on his own, Murdocks always get back up, he was stronger than that.
Matt laughs because it's the only thing he can do instead of losing his breath and bursting into tears. ]
...Haven't let myself think about it enough to admit what I wanted. Maybe this is what Stick really meant when he said I was looking for a father. It's always felt more than just weak to want, it's felt selfish.
[ He could be bleeding, Claire Temple, bless her soul, stitching up his side and checking to make sure his bones were in place, and he smiled and insisted he was fine. Not just because he was about to get back up and go back out into the night to fight another battle, not just because he wanted to prove he could do it like he said against whatever odds and warnings she gave him. He had grown fond of her, been able to share a piece of himself he hadn't shown anyone since Elektra, but God forbid he let her see too much. God forbid he think of asking her to take care of him, even as she bandaged his wounds. Sometimes even that made him feel guilty.
Foggy Nelson, how dare you. This was exactly the kind of reason why he had told himself he could never have him. Foggy had always given so much, lifted him up without even being asked to, without asking for anything in return. Matt forces his heavy head up and pulls back, letting Foggy see his face finally, wiping the tears from his eyes. His voice is rough and cracks when he talks. ]
...I've never loved anyone else the way that I love you, Foggy.
[ The words Foggy had said the morning they woke up together had touched something deep down in his core, and for a while now he'd known he was ready to say them back. He nods at him, alright, realizing how he's trembling, heart pounding. ]
Only because it's you Foggy. You're my home, you're it for me.