[ It is just as wonderful, especially now that he doesn't have to try to pretend how much he enjoys having Matt's hands on him. And he likes making little gestures like that for Matt, he always has. A lot of habits he's picked up over the years of knowing Matt may not have been as necessary as he thought - or even more necessary, when it comes to things like scent and touch - but they're a part of who he is now, and he does them without even thinking.
He laughs at Matt's headshake, still a little skeptical. Look, maybe Foggy can admit that he's biased, but Matt is both amazing and apparently slightly oblivious when it comes to people being interested in him. He's still pretty sure that more people had crushes on the guy than he'll ever know.
And Foggy used to consider himself one of those people, but fortunately for him, it's working out better than he ever could have imagined. He's still grinning as he fastens the bracelet around his wrist.
He's about ready to voice his skepticism teasingly, until Matt's gaze drops, and Foggy knows that means Matt's thoughts have gone somewhere that are a lot more painful than he's letting on. ]
I know that look. Oh, wait, hey - is this a "sad Matt Murdock I don't want to talk about it and make myself vulnerable" thing or a "magic ninja super power I can't talk about it but I don't want to lie" thing? I always figured it was the first but I'm thinking I might have to re-categorize some things. [ Not the point, Nelson. ] ...sorry. But you can talk to me, Matt.
[ Matt's head and eyes tilt up as soon as Foggy speaks. He retains a neutral poker face right up until Foggy reminds him he can tell him what's on his mind. Matt shifts on his feet, debating whether or not he should. It's not that he plans on never telling Foggy about it but it's Foggy's birthday, not a time when he wants to drag the mood down. Then again now that he's curious Foggy might prefer to hear it. Matt purses his lips and rocks his head side to side before finally replying. ]
It's just... A memory. I don't make things that often as you know. So it was a little more personal as a gift which is why I wanted to give you one now and before. Kind of like how gardening here has meant something special to me.
I gave a bracelet to one other person -or tried to. The day I met him Stick took me to the park and we ate ice cream. I held on to the cone wrapper and made one from that. Then I tried to give it to him after my lesson one day and that was when he...
[ Matt takes a breath, his head hanging. He rubs at the back of his neck to buy so time then lifts his head again and wets his lips, forcing a grim smile. ]
He decided I was getting too emotionally attached to him and ended my training. Then he walked out the door and I didn't hear from him for years.
[ Damn right Foggy wants to hear it. He waits, watching Matt closely as he debates with himself, and he can't stop the hint of a smile when Matt decides to talk.
Don't get him wrong, he absolutely adores the bracelet and he's not letting it go for anything, but Matt being honest and sharing another piece of himself is a pretty good birthday present, too, as far as Foggy's concerned.
Even though what he says is - yeah, he's not sure if that counts as don't want to talk about it because vulnerability or don't want to talk about it because ninja powers. Maybe both. Either way, it's about as painful as he expected.
His heart clenches, and there's a tightness in his chest that he knows means his emotions can't really decide if they want to be more heartbroken or more angry and have gone with a twist of both. ]
Fuck that guy. [ It's soft but emphatic, and Foggy's starting to regret he never met the guy to give him a piece of his mind. ]
Wait, so - even after he took off like a douchebag at the slightest hint of an emotion more complex than piss and vinegar - you still made me one?
[ Foggy's little "Fuck that guy" gets an amused snort and the corners of Matt's mouth start to tug into a smile. He's reminded of previous conversations about exes and social disappointments and Foggy's casual but empathetic little grumbles or groans. ]
Technically, I made you two but yeah. I wanted you to have something that was special to me because you are.
[ Don't look now Foggy but your boyfriend is starting to blush now that he heard how cheesy that sounded aloud. ]
[ He says his name almost like a prayer, soft and reverent. He's never going to get tired of Matt telling him that he's special to him - or of Matt blushing - but it's more than that.
Foggy'd been so angry, so hurt that Matt had never trusted him enough to tell him anything about this side of him. That he hadn't trusted Foggy the way Foggy trusted him, with everything that he was. Foggy would have told Matt, he still knows that, but - Foggy isn't Matt.
With everything he knows about what Stick meant to Matt and just how badly him leaving like that had affected him, no wonder Matt was so afraid to trust anyone completely, or to do anything that would make him risk losing someone. And yet - and yet Matt was willing to take a risk on him, to trust that he wouldn't react the way Stick did. That he'd stay.
There are so many ways that Matt did trust him, and Foggy can see that now. He shouldn't have expected Matt to conform to his timeline. ]
I'm still mad at you for the way I found out about your senses, and for all the shitty communication and ditching me like an asshole you did after that. But I don't forgive you for not telling me sooner, because there's nothing to forgive. You're the bravest guy I know, Matt, thank you for taking a risk on trusting me as much as you did.
[ Matt absolutely loves the sound of Foggy saying his name like that. The same way he had wanted to say Foggy's name for ages out loud to his face instead of in his head.
When Foggy brings up how he found out and the bad decisions that followed Matt's eyes dart ever so slightly side to side, nervously wondering where this is going. But when Foggy tells him he understands now just how difficult it was to take that risk he has to lean in and kiss him again, beaming at him as their lips part. ]
Thank you... For being patient with me as I figure things out... You're the best Fog.
[ Foggy gives a little laugh when Matt tells him that he's the best, and there's a little muttered of course I am even as he chases him down for another kiss, this one a little longer. ]
You're worth it.
[ He takes Matt's hand, curling it around his wrist so he can feel where Foggy'd put the bracelet on. ]
I'm starting to get now why it's hard for you to believe I'm not going to leave, and I'll try to keep being patient about it. But I won't, Matt, not ever. I might take a few days to cool down when we fight, but I'm going no where. You're stuck with me, buddy.
[ Matt runs his fingers over the weave of the bracelet which easily transitions into holding Foggy's wrist gently and rubbing circles over the inside of his wrist with his thumb. His smile grows at several of the things Foggy says, going back and forth from his softer listening smile to his wider emotional one. ]
You really are the best.
[ He says nearly breathless, lacking better words. ]
...That... That means a lot...
I don't know if it's worth anything now but... I feel like I should tell you that...
[ He bows his head toward the floor for a second then lifts it. ]
I wanted to tell you the truth, back in college when we became best friends and fell in love. I didn't think I had a choice but I still wanted. I wish I had known what I know now.
[ He is the best, honestly, or at least he kind of feels like he is for being able to get Matt to smile like that. The semi joking tone fades, though, and for a moment the heart beat in Foggy's wrist picks up in anxiety - what the hell else does Matt feel like he needs to tell him that has to be prefaced with a statement like that - but then evens out when Matt continues. ]
It is worth something. I mean, the part where I thought that our friendship was fake and you were just laughing at me passed pretty quick, but wondering if you ever even wanted to tell me still stuck around.
[ He hadn't been sure which one he was more angry over: Matt never actually feeling like they were close enough for him to want to tell Foggy at all, or him not knowing Foggy well enough - not trusting him enough - to know that he wouldn't... well, actually, he's not sure what Matt thought Foggy'd do, and it occurs to him to ask. ]
What were you afraid of, that you didn't?
[ Foggy's got a lot of guesses, ranging from afraid Foggy would freak out to afraid Foggy'd turn him into the police or over to a lab or something to just afraid Foggy'd leave, but guessing and assuming what Matt's intentions and thoughts were over this hasn't really helped that much. ]
[ Matt tries to smile through his explanation even when his voice falters and gets caught up in his throat along the way. ]
I was worried you'd think I was a freak. Who stays best friends or roommates with the guy that knows that much just by being in the same room? People don't like their secrets discovered even if they're promised it won't get out. Not that I'm all-knowing but a lot of people would assume it was like that if they had just a little idea of how much I can sense. It's only human to respond to that type of revelation with fear or disgust.
...And you hating me was one of the worst things I could imagine.
[ It's simple, maybe unbelievably so for a decision that held so much weight and led to all that trouble and regret, but it's the truth. ]
[ For a moment, he almost lets himself imagine it. If Matt told him earlier, some time when it'd been long enough for Matt to be comfortable with him but before it ticked over into too long and Foggy lied to. He understands now, and he's... mostly over it, but there'd have been a grace period where he would have jumped immediately into understanding why Matt didn't tell him right away - though if he's honest, he has no idea what it would have been.
And he doesn't want to go down that road, anyway. It's already one of the many what if scenarios he'd let himself get too deep into during the times when he and Matt were barely speaking. And he doesn't need any of them when he has Matt here.
Instead he tilts his head into Matt's hand so Matt can feel him smile. ]
Yeah, well. You didn't discover all of my secrets. And I probably would've just taken advantage of your senses to get laid or crush our debate opponents even more completely. [ There's a pause, then he admits, ] You hating me is one of the worst things I can imagine, too.
[ Matt blinks in silence toward the floor during the moment between their words. Then he feels the slide of Foggy's skin under his fingers as his cheeks pull into a smile. Matt's thumb finds its way into the little dip of Foggy's dimple, his eyes lift as Foggy talks and his shoulders relax. He'd like to wrap himself up in that warm voice and those words if it was physically possible. He didn't realize how much he wanted to hear that until Foggy said it. ]
You don't have to worry about that. I never got over the extraodinary Franklin Nelson. And I never will.
[ Foggy gets a little grin out of him followed by a purposely slow lean forward to press their foreheads together, a murmur against his lips. ]
[ Oh, there are a whole lot of things that Foggy'd do to keep getting Matt to smile like that. And while that's not exactly a new revelation - no, knew he was doomed pretty much the first year he knew Matt - it's a rerevelation, maybe. It's the first time that Matt's really relaxed when they were talking about this, maybe the first time that Foggy's made him feel like he could relax when the subject of his senses came up.
It's just a part of Matt. Something to love and try to understand like the rest of the puzzle pieces that make up his partner, and Foggy lets go of the last little bit of anger he'd had at Matt keeping some of them back and letting Foggy think he had a fuller picture than he did.
He needs to work on his metaphors, honestly, but whatever. Right now he's got Matt leaning into him, and Foggy steals a brief kiss. ]
God, I love you. You know, there's not a lot that feels better than making you smile like that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He laughs at Matt's headshake, still a little skeptical. Look, maybe Foggy can admit that he's biased, but Matt is both amazing and apparently slightly oblivious when it comes to people being interested in him. He's still pretty sure that more people had crushes on the guy than he'll ever know.
And Foggy used to consider himself one of those people, but fortunately for him, it's working out better than he ever could have imagined. He's still grinning as he fastens the bracelet around his wrist.
He's about ready to voice his skepticism teasingly, until Matt's gaze drops, and Foggy knows that means Matt's thoughts have gone somewhere that are a lot more painful than he's letting on. ]
I know that look. Oh, wait, hey - is this a "sad Matt Murdock I don't want to talk about it and make myself vulnerable" thing or a "magic ninja super power I can't talk about it but I don't want to lie" thing? I always figured it was the first but I'm thinking I might have to re-categorize some things. [ Not the point, Nelson. ] ...sorry. But you can talk to me, Matt.
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It's just... A memory. I don't make things that often as you know. So it was a little more personal as a gift which is why I wanted to give you one now and before. Kind of like how gardening here has meant something special to me.
I gave a bracelet to one other person -or tried to. The day I met him Stick took me to the park and we ate ice cream. I held on to the cone wrapper and made one from that. Then I tried to give it to him after my lesson one day and that was when he...
[ Matt takes a breath, his head hanging. He rubs at the back of his neck to buy so time then lifts his head again and wets his lips, forcing a grim smile. ]
He decided I was getting too emotionally attached to him and ended my training. Then he walked out the door and I didn't hear from him for years.
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Don't get him wrong, he absolutely adores the bracelet and he's not letting it go for anything, but Matt being honest and sharing another piece of himself is a pretty good birthday present, too, as far as Foggy's concerned.
Even though what he says is - yeah, he's not sure if that counts as don't want to talk about it because vulnerability or don't want to talk about it because ninja powers. Maybe both. Either way, it's about as painful as he expected.
His heart clenches, and there's a tightness in his chest that he knows means his emotions can't really decide if they want to be more heartbroken or more angry and have gone with a twist of both. ]
Fuck that guy. [ It's soft but emphatic, and Foggy's starting to regret he never met the guy to give him a piece of his mind. ]
Wait, so - even after he took off like a douchebag at the slightest hint of an emotion more complex than piss and vinegar - you still made me one?
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Technically, I made you two but yeah. I wanted you to have something that was special to me because you are.
[ Don't look now Foggy but your boyfriend is starting to blush now that he heard how cheesy that sounded aloud. ]
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[ He says his name almost like a prayer, soft and reverent. He's never going to get tired of Matt telling him that he's special to him - or of Matt blushing - but it's more than that.
Foggy'd been so angry, so hurt that Matt had never trusted him enough to tell him anything about this side of him. That he hadn't trusted Foggy the way Foggy trusted him, with everything that he was. Foggy would have told Matt, he still knows that, but - Foggy isn't Matt.
With everything he knows about what Stick meant to Matt and just how badly him leaving like that had affected him, no wonder Matt was so afraid to trust anyone completely, or to do anything that would make him risk losing someone. And yet - and yet Matt was willing to take a risk on him, to trust that he wouldn't react the way Stick did. That he'd stay.
There are so many ways that Matt did trust him, and Foggy can see that now. He shouldn't have expected Matt to conform to his timeline. ]
I'm still mad at you for the way I found out about your senses, and for all the shitty communication and ditching me like an asshole you did after that. But I don't forgive you for not telling me sooner, because there's nothing to forgive. You're the bravest guy I know, Matt, thank you for taking a risk on trusting me as much as you did.
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When Foggy brings up how he found out and the bad decisions that followed Matt's eyes dart ever so slightly side to side, nervously wondering where this is going. But when Foggy tells him he understands now just how difficult it was to take that risk he has to lean in and kiss him again, beaming at him as their lips part. ]
Thank you... For being patient with me as I figure things out... You're the best Fog.
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You're worth it.
[ He takes Matt's hand, curling it around his wrist so he can feel where Foggy'd put the bracelet on. ]
I'm starting to get now why it's hard for you to believe I'm not going to leave, and I'll try to keep being patient about it. But I won't, Matt, not ever. I might take a few days to cool down when we fight, but I'm going no where. You're stuck with me, buddy.
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You really are the best.
[ He says nearly breathless, lacking better words. ]
...That... That means a lot...
I don't know if it's worth anything now but... I feel like I should tell you that...
[ He bows his head toward the floor for a second then lifts it. ]
I wanted to tell you the truth, back in college when we became best friends and fell in love. I didn't think I had a choice but I still wanted. I wish I had known what I know now.
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[ He is the best, honestly, or at least he kind of feels like he is for being able to get Matt to smile like that. The semi joking tone fades, though, and for a moment the heart beat in Foggy's wrist picks up in anxiety - what the hell else does Matt feel like he needs to tell him that has to be prefaced with a statement like that - but then evens out when Matt continues. ]
It is worth something. I mean, the part where I thought that our friendship was fake and you were just laughing at me passed pretty quick, but wondering if you ever even wanted to tell me still stuck around.
[ He hadn't been sure which one he was more angry over: Matt never actually feeling like they were close enough for him to want to tell Foggy at all, or him not knowing Foggy well enough - not trusting him enough - to know that he wouldn't... well, actually, he's not sure what Matt thought Foggy'd do, and it occurs to him to ask. ]
What were you afraid of, that you didn't?
[ Foggy's got a lot of guesses, ranging from afraid Foggy would freak out to afraid Foggy'd turn him into the police or over to a lab or something to just afraid Foggy'd leave, but guessing and assuming what Matt's intentions and thoughts were over this hasn't really helped that much. ]
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I was worried you'd think I was a freak. Who stays best friends or roommates with the guy that knows that much just by being in the same room? People don't like their secrets discovered even if they're promised it won't get out. Not that I'm all-knowing but a lot of people would assume it was like that if they had just a little idea of how much I can sense. It's only human to respond to that type of revelation with fear or disgust.
...And you hating me was one of the worst things I could imagine.
[ It's simple, maybe unbelievably so for a decision that held so much weight and led to all that trouble and regret, but it's the truth. ]
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And he doesn't want to go down that road, anyway. It's already one of the many what if scenarios he'd let himself get too deep into during the times when he and Matt were barely speaking. And he doesn't need any of them when he has Matt here.
Instead he tilts his head into Matt's hand so Matt can feel him smile. ]
Yeah, well. You didn't discover all of my secrets. And I probably would've just taken advantage of your senses to get laid or crush our debate opponents even more completely. [ There's a pause, then he admits, ] You hating me is one of the worst things I can imagine, too.
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You don't have to worry about that. I never got over the extraodinary Franklin Nelson. And I never will.
[ Foggy gets a little grin out of him followed by a purposely slow lean forward to press their foreheads together, a murmur against his lips. ]
Absolutely hopeless.
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It's just a part of Matt. Something to love and try to understand like the rest of the puzzle pieces that make up his partner, and Foggy lets go of the last little bit of anger he'd had at Matt keeping some of them back and letting Foggy think he had a fuller picture than he did.
He needs to work on his metaphors, honestly, but whatever. Right now he's got Matt leaning into him, and Foggy steals a brief kiss. ]
God, I love you. You know, there's not a lot that feels better than making you smile like that.
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You make me smile more than anyone else does, Foggy.